Do-doo-doo-do-do
Billy Dilley, we're subterranean
Billy Dilley, you're such a brainy kid
Billy Dilley, it's fascinating how
Billy Dilley, it's complicated now
Billy Dilley, situation critical
Billy Dilley, I hope it's fixable
Billy Dilley - ooooh
Billy Dilley
Spending the day with you, my precious gem,
has crystallized my feelings for you.
You're flawless and radiant in every way.
A guy could spend the rest of his life with a rock formation like you.
In fact... Aha!
Just the thing I need to finish my zuber duber.
The power source.
Beautiful and powerful. I like that in a rock.
Let's get you home.
Hi, Anaximander. Did you miss me?
I missed you, too.
We now return to Attack of the Cheese Zombies.
Brie!
Jimmy, the cheddar zombies are at the front door.
I know, Janet, and they're about to break through.
Brie!
- Guys. - Hi, Billy.
Get a load of this beautiful rock.
That rock pillar forest has a bounty of natural resources.
Sorry. For a second there, I thought you said rock pillar forest.
- I did. - Of course you did...
- Really? - Don't you know
the rock pillar forest is cursed?
- Cursed? - You can't take rocks from there.
Why ever not?
Because the rock pillar people will turn you into a beast!
Pfft. A beast.
Where did you hear such nonsense?
From an old orangutanasaur, while we were having a sandwich.
She told me the legend that, 300 years ago, a curious orangutanasaur
snuck into the rock pillar forest, stole a rock from the rock people.
The rock folk took their revenge on the orangutanasaurs
by transforming them into horrible beasts!
But, Marsha, the orangutanasaurs are beasts.
How do you think they got that way?
Marsha, I stopped believing in silly tall tales
way back in seventh grade.
That was, like, a whole year ago.
You don't understand, Billy. This curse is serious.
First, you'll feel insatiable hunger.
Then, you'll notice your senses are heightened
and overwhelming. Finally, your big, beautiful brain
will shrivel into a primitive shadow of what it used to be.
If you keep the rock, you'll turn into a beast!
Pfft. I thought you were beyond that kind of hocus-pocus.
Me, I'm a man of cold, hard facts. Allow me to demonstrate.
Behold my latest accomplishment. The zuber duber.
Now to take it on its first test run.
Billy, stop! It's not worth it!
I don't want to lose my second-best friend in all of Subterranea Tania.
Wait, second? Who's the first?
Let me introduce her.
- Her? - This is Dame Footsworth. Hiya.
- Pleased to meet... - Return the rock,
or you'll become a beast!
Please, Billy!
I don't wanna have to walk you twice a day.
All right. I'll put this perfect, beautiful,
scientifically impossibly well-shaped rock back for you, Marsha.
Really? I'm so relieved!
And now that that's settled, I'm gonna get some more popcorn.
Yeah.
It feels like we've just met, and it's already...
...goodbye.
Not yet.
Just one brief moment in the zuber duber before we say goodbye.
No one has to know.
Initiating departure mode.
Departure mode....
You put the rock back already...
I can explain.
I just couldn't bring myself to return the rock...
Billy, how could you?
Hurry, Billy. We must find the zuber
and return the rock to the rock pillar forest
before your transformation into a beast is complete.
But, Marsha, I really think you're overreacting.
- Look. - The zuber duber trail.
Billy, was that you?
Yep, it's just my stomach growling.
I'm so famished, I could eat a horse.
- Or a hot dog. - A horse?
The transformation has begun!
No, no, it was just a figure of speech.
I skipped my second breakfast earlier,
- and my appetite is... - Insatiable! Billy!
We've got to find the zuber duber before it's too late!
Insatiable? That, Marsha, always overreacting.
Or is she? Whoa!
Keep your eyes peeled.
Allergies. There must be petunias nearby.
- A petunia! - My sense of smell is very accurate.
- What color do you think it is? - I don't know. Blue?
Almost spot on.
Heightened senses, they're the second part of the transformation.
I'm sure it's just a coincidence. Or is it?
Come on. We've gotta find that zuber and get that rock back to its home.
Don't worry, we'll get it... Home?
Marsha, that's it! The zuber homing beacon.
It emits a sound that only the zuber duber responds to.
It'll follow the signal back to its source.
- You mean like a dog whistle? - Something like that.
...Oops.
Sorry. Wrong homing beacon.
As you can see, Marsha, I haven't become primitive in the least,
proving that curse of yours is a bunch of... What?
Wh... what's that on my cheek? The curse!
Billy, what is it?
Marsha, I think I'm a beast! Look at it, Marsha. Gaze upon the horror.
- I don't see anything. - Hold on. How about now?
A hair! My gosh! You have become a beast!
Let's get the rock back to the rock people.
Maybe they can still remove the curse.
It's too late for me, Marsha.
I can feel the beast inside me. Growing too strong!
The itchy skin tells me my pelt is growing,
forcing me to rip off my human clothing!
I wonder if I'll be a brindle. Or maybe a blue point.
Run, Marsha! Get away from me while you still can!
What's going on?
Billy's a beast. He's turned...
...we have to keep him out!
That's impossible. I'm sure it's just a misunderstan...
Do something!
What's he doing now?
No. He's going for the house key.
Never mind.
Well, I'm not taking any chances.
Good thinking. Well, I'm gonna hit the men's room.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Are you okay in there? - Get out!
Well, don't forget to flush.
Flush. That's it. Gotta flush.
While you were in there, I secured every door, window, dumbwaiter...
porthole, vent, and WiFi router.
That's great, but what about that big hole in the ceiling?
- Whoa. Nice broom work, Marsha. - Thanks.
Guess we better take that rock back,
and reverse the curse before Billy wakes up.
- Think we finally shook him. - What a relief.
Mighty rock person. We return your rock.
Please turn Billy back into a human.
What's that?
- The curse for stealing a rock. - Curse? What curse?
What?
I don't put curses on people.
What? Did you say there isn't a curse?
Are you kidding me? I'm a rock person, not a magician.
But what about when I was overcome with insatiable hunger?
You probably missed your second breakfast. It always makes my tummy rumble.
- Then how did I know about the petunias? - I always know when petunias are around.
- They give me terrible hay fever. - Then how do you explain the hair?
It's a hair! I'm a rock person, and I have hair.
Mostly on my back. See.
Ooh.
So if I'm not a beast, then I was right!
There isn't such a thing as a curse.
Actually, what I said was, I don't put curses on people.
But they do.
Hey, Marsha, sure you don't want in on these hash browns?
No, thanks, Zeke,
but Billy looks like he could use a second helping.
Feeling good, feeling right...
- Young lad. I was in a battle. - A great, epic...
- Gee, mister. - The name's Zartran.
Gee, Zartran. Maybe we should get you back to my place
- where my friends and I could... - I can't put you and your friends...
...out. If you insist.
Okay, come on.
- Guys! This is Zartran. - Greetings.
I don't want to be a bother, but these arrows seem to be lodged
in a few vital organs.
You poor thing!
Quick, find the first-aid kit.
- Or second-aid kit. - In the kitchen.
Nice place.
Real nice.
Why don't you come clean and tell me who stole the family jewels.
Yep. Score.
Zartran, we couldn't find the...
- What happened to all your arrows? - The arrows.
I pulled them out, one by one, by myself.
- Wow! - Wow!
How'd you get shot?
There I was, in the land of Cotyledon, volunteering in the soup kitchen,
as I am one to do, when suddenly, my arch nemesis,
the Gumbrump, appeared in line.
He drank everybody's soup!
So I chased him outside. But he ambushed me,
and pulled my ponytail scrunchy clean off with all seven of his arms.
Then I made him carry seven heavy suitcases
up the stairs of insanity!
- That must've finished him off. - Not even close.
And then he threw his soup at me.
So I punched him in his big, dumb eye!
Then he ran away. The end.
- Holy guacamole! - Whoa! Amazing!
And that's when you got shot with the arrows?
No.
My legs. Giving out.
Must be post-battle stress disorder.
It's overpowering!
We should let him stay here for a while until he recovers.
You're right, Zeke.
Stay away from me, ground sloth.
Hi, Zartran. Sorry to trip you with my body.
That's perfectly fine. But now that you mention it...
I am a little hungry.
Ta-da! I hope you like your eggs sunny side up.
Zartran, last night as I was sleeping on that hard floor right there,
I kept dreaming about your epic battle.
- Please tell us again. - Yeah. Tell us every barbaric detail!
- Tell us, tell us. - Tell us, tell us.
Tell us, tell us.
- Tell us, tell us. - Yes, like I said,
I was battling that Gumbrump,
- but he's got three arms, and he's... - Wait.
I thought you said seven arms.
Well, he has seven now.
He can grow three more arms any time he wants.
But three more only makes six.
The seventh one, he stole from the poor saps in the soup line!
So that's how he carried the seven suitcases.
Wow!
There's still one thing I don't understand.
I can't believe this kid!
- 'Sup, guys? - Zeke! Zeke! Tell me, what is that object?
You mean my hacky bag?
Yes! You must regale me with the tale
of how you achieved such mastery over this hacky bag of yours.
Sure thing, Zar-dog. It was me, Trevor, and Chris,
and we were totally bored one day, so...
This affords me the perfect opportunity to shift the focus.
So where exactly
do these stairs of insanity lead?
Off me, creature!
Billy, Zartran wants to hear about the bag master.
Sorry, Zeke.
Please, Zeke, start again. I've got all the time in the world.
Hey, Zartran buddy...
You certainly are a persistent little fellow, aren't you?
The reason you are confused
is that I left out the part where I body slammed
the Gumbrump so hard that it ripped open
a hole in the space-time continuum,
which we tunneled through, head... over heels...
for a thousand eternities!
- Wow. - Whoa.
We arm wrestled each other for supremacy until the landscape was decimated,
leaving nothing but sand. The end.
So now, O curious one, have I answered all of your questions?
Every single question was answered.
And every single answer raised several more questions.
What do you want? A full-scale reenactment or something?
- Reenactment! Reenactment! - Reenactment! Reenactment!
- ...W... wait, I... - Reenactment! Reenactment!
- Hold that thought. - Reenactment! Reenactment!
- A full-scale reenactment?
How in the loincloth am I gonna do that?
Forget it. I'll just leave. I mean, who needs things like...
fuzzy toilet seat cover?
No. It's just too much to give up.
Who's ready for a full-scale reenactment?
All right!
The first thing we'll need is soup.
From the soup kitchen? Let's go get it, you guys!
Now for a little Plan B!
Hello. Goodbye!
Whoo-hoo. Yah!
Aha, here we are.
- Marsha, grab the soup! - I have the soup.
Hey, Zartran soup's...!
- Just look at this place. - And look at Zartran.
Zartran!
What happened, Zartran?
The Gumbrump was just here.
Here?
And we partook in another epic battle. A real battle.
Aw, man, I can't believe we missed Zartran in a real battle.
Good news, my friends. The Gumbrump is coming back.
But the bad news is
that it's far too dangerous for you to stay here.
So, for your own safety, you'll have to find a new place to live.
What's that?
Gather a few prized possessions, and leave before it is too late.
I shall protect this place to the best of my ability.
It is the least I can do... And, Zeke,
- better leave me the keys, son. - Good call. Thanks, Zartran. Be safe, bro.
Woo! I win! It's mine, all mine.
Wow. Zartran sounds real upset
- about us having to leave. - He's not only brave, he's sensitive.
- He's the perfect man! - No, Marsha. You've been shot.
With Cupid's arrow.
Looks more like you were shot by the Gumbrump to me.
What? Eww!
That's the last time I go clothes shopping in the dumpster.
Wait.
- "Property of Zartran." - He's a total phony.
And he took advantage of our hospitality, just so he could steal our house!
We've got to figure out a way to get it back from him.
I feel so violated.
Wait a second. What's this?
- What is it, Billy? - What do you see?
Guys, I think I have a plan.
Pardon me, sir, but you wouldn't happen to be
- the Gumbrump, would you? - Who want to know?
See, I told you this was the guy Zartran beat up.
- What? - Yeah. He said he beat you
like a big, soft crying drum.
Where is this liar?
He's right down there. In that house.
Stand to side. Gumbrump have important business
with rotten little liar man!
Could've used the door.
Well, at least we finally get front-row seats to an epic battle.
Now it time to finish you once and for all.
That's an entertaining story, but...
you're gonna have to catch me first.
Gumbrump get you!
Doodly doozers, guys! We got our house back!
Who goes there?
Hey, Francis. Have a seat.
Thanks, Zart, old buddy.
Sorry for going so hard on you earlier, partner, but they were watching.
- I had to make it look good. - No hard feelings.
Plan A kinda went south, so we had to improvise.
- Did you at least get some food? - Only the mother lode.
Tonight, we feast like kings!
I said You've got the wrong number
For the right guy
I'll do the job for you
Just pay the price
Run, run, run away
Baby, stick to the plan! Whoo whoo!
Run, run, run away
Catch me if you can